Hi, my name is Sarah Rotte.
In May 2017, I will graduate from Xavier University with a double major in public relations and advertising, along with a minor in writing.
On campus, I am the President of Xavier Singers. Our shows are extremely impressive, as they are equipped with lively members and a full student-band. Off campus, I occasionally dabble into embarrassing Celine Dion albums with friends and enjoy coffee almost as much as Lorelei Gilmore from Gilmore Girls. I have a passion for the performing arts and travel, all while I obsess over turtleneck sweaters.
I am a writer, a creator, an optimist, an explorer, and a woman awaiting her next adventure.
ENGL 339: Digital Writing 
I really liked that this read like a movie review. All I’ve been hearing about is La La Land, so I really enjoyed your work even though I haven’t seen the movie yet. The only advice I have is to really hit on the cultural connection because I think that could be really interesting in your piece.
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The beginning of this review was really strong and engaging. It really drew me in to your piece. I think this review would be even better if you addressed negative criticisms of the movie as well.
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I really enjoyed your textual analysis. La La Land is a recent movie that has become a box office hit! (I think my roommate has seen it four times in theaters…) I think with any movie it is important to also look at the awards it won or didn’t win which you did wonderfully. The image you used was great to signify the film as a whole–with the two main characters listening to jazz music–so great pick on that! Quick note: the link to your textual analysis on the class website does not open in a new link and I think it might be helpful to the reader if it were. Overall I enjoy the style and language of your writing.
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Really lovely analysis to read. It uses very compelling, fluid language, and it fit your topic perfectly. I really enjoyed your comment on art and music throughout the middle of the piece, those comments helped really express why the film is so great. I do think it would be interesting to help counteract the main arguments people had for not enjoying it, only because that is prevalent to the film and your topic, and it would help make your argument event stronger if you’re able to counteract it!
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A good analysis! I think you have a truly pleasant and easy to engage writing style which serves this piece very well. Its clear you’ve done your homework on the movie but perhaps a stronger thesis would ground this a bit more firmly in the analysis department. I left very convinced to see the movie though!
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This read as an awesome movie review. I’ve only been hearing good things about this movie, and it was nice to hear more detail. However, I think it may be helpful to narrow your thesis a little bit, because originally I thought you were comparing the movie to other movie musicals, and then you went for the score, and then added art… there’s a way to incorporate all of that, I would just adjust your thesis accordingly.
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Funny coincidence: Damien Chazelle also directed the film I wrote about for my analysis. He’s captivatingly original, and you captured his style well in your review. It’s great that you avoided summarizing the film. My only suggestion would be adding another couple pictures or a video to contribute to the visual mode.
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Yassss, Chazelle obviously has quite a lot to say about the significance of music and music makers in our lives, right?! (i.e., social/cultural import….)
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I really liked the header you used and thought it was a unique element. I do think there needs to be a view more visuals in the text to break it up a bit.
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This is a very well-written article, it was super interesting and easy to read! I think one way to make it more multimodal is to maybe add a video or sound clip of your favorite song, even just a hyperlink. You talk a lot about the music and I was curious about the soundtrack, so having a link or a clip there would be handy.
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I really liked the flow of your article and the main picture you used for the post. La La Land is so popular right now, and I enjoy reading relevant articles. You talk about how Hollywood has become full of remakes; I feel like that’s a place where you could make a bulleted list or something to show just how many remakes occur. That could possible beef up your point that La La Land provides a new breath in the movie industry with new ideas and an original heart-warming story.
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I fully enjoyed this review without having seen the movie. I love that you manage a deep analysis without revealing too many plot spoilers. I think adding an aural mode would be really effective because you analyze the soundtrack as being one of the most innovative and compelling pieces.
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I am not one for musicals but after reading your review, I might have to go see the movie. I like how you relate to an audience of people who like and don’t like musicals.
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I think your thesis begins to emerge at the end of the third paragraph. Remember that you are looking to create an analysis that “Illuminates cultural meaning.” You seem to have something to say about the way the movie tackles the issue of chasing your dreams. There’s also some interesting stuff about the function of art/music in our lives. Focus that into a really specific, pointed thesis, put that thesis at the beginning of your piece, and tie everything that follows to that thesis. In other words, rather than just state that the movie has a “compelling theme,” tell us exactly what that theme is and then show us, with details, how the movie reveals that theme. Think of theme as revealing human truths and cultural meaning. Your hyperlinks are very useful. Be sure they all open in new windows. The quotation about the function of music is lovely. Movie stills are copyrighted material. See my ENGL 359 class website for how to caption them, or my Jane Austen class essay (linked in my portal), then hyperlink to where you got the still. Proofread and revise in Word with the grammar & spell check on.
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Really awesome topic. I don’t think many able people think about this issue regularly, so it’s awesome that you brought this to light. Definitely include more pictures, and it’ll look really cool.
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I really love this topic. And I like your beginning, but I didn’t expect the article to go in the direction it did just from your intro. Maybe bring up your project a little sooner. Other than that, it was great!
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This article took a different turn than i expected, but once i realized what it was about it flowed very nicely. Also, I like your use of gifs.
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Your visual spacing and subheads create a visually appealing piece to read. You also provide a clear call to action towards something that people normally don’t consider. One more picture towards the end would tie this together even better.
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Hi Sarah!! I really like the personal aspect of your opening, but I think it would be more effective if you drew a more immediate connection between yourself and the subject of your advocacy post. I also think your post could benefit from more specific evidence of how disabled individuals are affected by harmful stigmas. Maybe some statistics would be helpful?
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I really like the topic you chose to write about for your advocacy post. I feel like people have a basic idea of employment for individuals who are disables, but few fully understand all the details you explain. You have a strong control over your writing. I would suggest maybe adding trimming some of the beginning if you are concerned about going over the word count. Like other have said, one or two more pictures would add to the visual aspect.
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One, I totally relate to the graduation thing. Moving on. Your topic is awesome, and it’s one that gets overlooked. The content is really compelling; the only thing I would suggest would be breaking up the later categories with pictures or quotes. They don’t need to be the width of your text, they could even just be small ones that the text moves around. It just helps balance it a bit.
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I really enjoyed reading this! You have a very distinct tone that is upbeat and friendly to read. I also see a clear passion behind the advocacy was nice. I think that maybe incorporating more imagery would be a nice addition! I also wonder if at some points you have too many headings with just short little paragraphs under neath, so it almost disrupts your prose rather than helping organizationally! I would just revise that a little maybe. Otherwise, good job!
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I really like your advocacy post—your tone is extremely clear and unique to your voice as a writer. Some of your links don’t open in a new page, which would help reader accessibility. I also really like how you introduce Melodic Connections and your background working with the organization for your senior seminar capstone. I also think some images would be great (I’m a huge fan of infographics!) I think it would be cool to add a link to volunteer with the organization you mention—a way for them to get involved in this cause.
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This is a very well-written article, great job! I think your use of headings is super effective, is gives the post a very clean-cut feel. Also, under your heading “Hiring:Benefits,” your use of just one sentence makes an impact and a powerful statement that support your thesis, I really like that.
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I’m kind of a sucker for emotional appeals and you have certainly captured me here. You address an ethos as a college senior as well that is hard to argue with. I haven’t quite worked it out though whether I am totally in support of your issue because I can’t quite distinguish between whether I find your info about hiring practices or the highly personal approach you take with regards to how you fell in love with/ became impassioned about this issue and how rewarding you found it more convincing. That is, I find myself questioning whether that first .gif, cute as it is, makes me less concerned for the issue of fair hiring practices than I am for how happy understanding and engaging with the issue makes you. Again, that may be to say the argument might be taken as simply as ‘this makes me happy and gives me the power to do something in life and so you should be interested too’. Like I said, still trying to work this out, but lovely writing.
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Advocacy post:
I really like the playful opening, as it draw the reader into a more open conversation with you and gets them thinking about their own future, a move that makes them more receptive to thinking about the futures of others. I think your formatting is a bit dry, but the content is good! maybe a pull quote or two, or perhaps a few pertinent images would serve you well!
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Nice human touch on the opening. Seriously that’s literary gold lock it in a vault and save it. There are some unfinished bits, but I really like the tone. It tugs at the heart strings and is thought provoking. How about a what we can do as people, potential employers kind of section? You could also link to the Americans with disability act as a resource.
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I think making your page a little more disability friendly would be a great touch. I think your headings divide up the text really well, and the gif at the beginning is wonderful. Great job!
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Good opener, good topic. I think you can tighten and better connect the “Overview” and “What are We Working Towards” sections. Right now, it’s unclear who the “we” are in the latter category. Because it comes so quickly on the heels of the former the assumption is that “we” = Melodic Connections. Also, it’s not entirely clear what the function of that organization is and how it relates to employing the dis/differently-abled. You have no citations and no real secondary sources in your works cited here. !! The assignment calls for the incorporation of research–at least three sources, one academic and one journalistic, so be sure to do that. Citing specific research will also help with some of the vagueness that plagues parts of your post right now. You obliquely mention “an array of examples,” “research,” and “the study” as well as indicate that “It was found” (by whom?) at several points without detailing any of this research. Proofread for missing words, at least one usage error, and comma use.
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I agree with Dr. Wyett. You should spend more time talking about who the group is. You do a great job advocating for why these people should be helped and hired.
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I enjoyed the concept of your story because this is also something I struggle with. I also liked the introduction to the story on your website page!
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I think you picked a fascinating topic, and I loved that it was in video format. Your narration and choice of images were both excellent, and I like that some of the script is included in the video. Honestly, I don’t know what advice to really give, except that maybe a few more images might help? Great job though!
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I love the narration, but I think it would be helpful to have background music. It will make it easier to focus on the video.
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It might need some more visuals. I like the story. The idea of learning about time and the role it has. The morning fear. It reminds me of the corporate world. If you can throw in some more pictures it should make it wonderful.
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I like the narration you have. I feel like you tell your story in exactly the right amount of words. Any longer, and I think you would lose some viewers. What visuals you have work well with your story. My only suggestion would be to have a kind of cartoon character that can tell the story in a more visual way rather than still images of cars and schools. There are some websites that let you create your own cartoon characters and scenes if you are interested in that.
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I really enjoyed your narration. It sounds really conversational and interesting without being over the top. Also the little sound effects are really awesome. I did notice a change in the narrations though like maybe you changed rooms? That’s not like super noticeable but with no other noise in the background, it’s more noticeable.
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I like that you introduce your video on your website and provide a link. I think that helps entice the reader to your video. Your narration, the other audio clips (such as the footsteps and alarm) and the scattered text in the video all work very well together. Like I said in class I wonder if you can include a clock of some kind in every image. Like not just the car but a clock in the car, etc.
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The audio quality of this video is excellent. I really like the clarity in your narration voice, and also the moment the screen is black and you hear shuffling footsteps. I think you could leave some of the black spaces in, as they create a specific effect, adding a bit of mystery to the story.
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I think you have chosen an excellent format for your story. I’m sorry about the exporting problem but that can be easily fixed! my only comment is that I feel the turn at the end seems a little sudden. The character just established her attempts to control time, then immediately switches to accepting it. maybe just a bit more transitional thought. overall great job
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You did a great job in regards to the progression of your narrative. It had just the right amount of suspense. I’m not tech-savvy at all, so I can’t offer much advice in that respect. I agree with others’ suggestion that background music would be effective.
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I think you have a nice concept for the video. But i feel you could do even more to bring out the importance of your found object. Because it is slightly vague at times during the piece. Also watch for all the deadspace or empty black screen at the end of your video. Unless that was there for a reason.
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The audio in your story is great! I like how you have moments where the video is black while you describe a setting. It really helped me to visualize what was going on and see it from my own perspective.
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You did a great job on the narration, I loved watching your video! My only suggestion is to add some more photos so there isn’t so much blank, black space between photos or text. More sound effects could be cool too! Like a sound clip of a door opening or something. Super good job though!
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I would recommend reformatting the text so that it doesn’t shift around as much. I love the story, and I think time is a really interesting object to choose. I would suggest talking about time a little earlier though! Otherwise, once there are some visuals, I think you’ll be set!
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Watch out for the pauses in the video and is there an image or something you can put on the screen instead of it being black?
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Sarah R
Title—Can you come up with something more original, bold?
Narration: You have a strong, clear, confident narrative voice. Pacing is good at the start. The on/off clicks are noticeable. Can you edit those out or try re-recording the narration in one take?
I like the use of sound effects like footsteps, but the ones at the beginning sound like feet walking in gravel and she is supposed to be inside, in bed.
Mom-In-The-Know Notes for the five year old child part (five year old Sarah? Never assume a first-person narrator necessarily = the author): Maybe she looks down at a Mickey Mouse watch or something? I don’t know many kindergartners who have watches or can even tell time. That’s a second grade skill! (Honestly, kids have a terrible sense of time in general.) But if it’s a character watch and has a digital display, the details are both more vivid and more accurate (narrator could say “the numbers say seven, three, zero” instead of 7:30?). And a five year old should still be in a booster seat in the car unless he or she is freakishly tall.
Visuals: Yeah, you do need more. I’m sorry you lost your images on import. A previous student told me he saved his video to YouTube constantly for fear of losing it all. Maybe you could try doing that as you edit. The slides with words on them work well, I think, but I would suggest most of your blank spaces be filled with images rather than more word slides apart from a few more points of emphasis if you need them. Your beginning suggests you have a good sense of how this balance should work. Miranda’s idea of the clock appearing throughout is a good one, I think. We won’t be guessing what your object is if you have clocks/watches throughout.
I think the length is perfect. I wouldn’t add or cut anything—the story itself flows and arcs quite well.
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I love the story! It could definitely use more visuals — if you have any from your first day of kindergarten, that would be great! I liked your narration, but the quotes from your story that are actually shown on the screen threw me off because they were spreading out, and sometimes they would spread far enough to make a new line so the whole text would reset and it looked like it was going to be new text, but it was the same. That effect was just confusing for me.
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